


Homestuck, Unsolved

by tigerinthehouse



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Homestuck
Genre: Cryptids, Ghosts, M/M, Paranormal Investigators, Slow Burn, buzzfeed unsolved au, trolls and humans society au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-06-17 05:19:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15454188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerinthehouse/pseuds/tigerinthehouse
Summary: It started merely as a joke, simply just an upload from John's snapchat, to YouTube. Just him and his friends exploring a old home. But then, it blew up. So they decided to make more! And the growing populations adored the dynamic pair that was Dave and Karkat! Simply one issue. They kinda, maybe, hate one another. But, who knows? Maybe investigating supposedly haunted places can bring them together!





	1. John, be annoyed.

John let out an unceremonious yawn, and cast a glance towards his bickering friends. And also bickering co-hosts'. Who were stalling the thirteenth's episode production. Dave, a known daredevil, skeptic, and time-travel specialist, and Karkat, a big anxiety-ridden, quick-tempered-sickle-master. Separate, both beings were both famous and looked up too. But together? Together the duo was an iconic pair! Only, it seemed Dave and Karkat didn't appreciate each other. Picking up his camera, John spoke. "Okay! That's enough! Who cares which one of you is better at Crash Bandicoot?" He tried to hide his irritation, but failed horribly. "I do!" They both retort at the same time, then seem to recoil in something of disgust at the fact they seemed to think the same thoughts. John's hands find their way to his forehead, and drag downwards in defeat. "Whatever! It doesn't even matter, just- Karkat, do you have your script ready?". The troll scoffs and a smirk creeps onto his face. "Always." He beams. Great, you think, now you can get started. "Alright! Go take your seats, I'll set up the tripod."  
-  
“It was reportedly said that shouts and slams can be heard echoing throughout the corridors.” Karkat taunts gravely, the camera cutting from the graphics on screen to him and Dave sitting in frame. “Ooo, spooky.” The human teases, and the camera catches Karkat’s hair puff up in frustration, turning to face the blonde. “Well, can you think of anything more bizarre?” He retorted. Dave rubbed his chin, mimicking being in mid-thought “Actually, I have!” He perks up after a few seconds. John couldn't help but roll his eyes. He knew where this was going.  
“And that is?!” Karkat questions sharply.  
“Your volume control.” Dave cooed.  
This comments seems to set of the grey humanoid, as he goes into a growling fit, and the shot cuts out, rather abruptly.  
-  
"Alright, the boys are here!" Dave announces regally, practically dancing into the front doors of the decrepit hospital. "Dave, I'd rather you not associate me with your heckles of the phantoms." Karkat grumbles, quickly rushing past the entrance, equipment practically overflowing from his arms. Hiding a snicker, Dave complies. "Oops, sorry, only one boy is here. Typos and shit. Forgive me, spirits." He corrects himself, earning nothing but a snarl from Karkat. Both (Technically, three if you count John, the handy dandy camera-man!) hosts lurk around the blackened halls, chatting vaguely about the building, before being caught a bit off guard by the slamming of a door. John couldn't help but get a frightened Karkat in the frame. He also couldn't help but zoom in as the troll nearly leaped behind Dave for some sort of cover. How subtle, John concludes. "WHAT WAS THAT?!?" Karkat shrieked from his hiding spot. "Bro, it was just a door, c'mon let's go check it out." And before Karkat can protest, Dave grabbed hold of his wrist, leading him towards the sounds' source. John followed compliantly. After running up the, honestly very long ass stairs, Karkat began too fiddle with his plethora of devices. "Man, why'd you even bring all that?" Dave questioned, raising a brow curiously. "Shut up and hold my flashlight, Dave." Karkat hisses, shoving the light his way. Walking into torn up room, and activated an instrument that blared white noise. Dave walked into the room, John hot on his heels. "Karkat, dude, what is that shit?" Dave points towards the machine. "It's a spirit box! It should help us communicate with anything dwelling in this place!" The troll explained. "Oh my god, I'm not sure to be impressed or ashamed." The blonde laughs heartily. Karkat narrows his eyes, then speaks, "If there's anything here with us, please, uh, make yourself known?" Aww, poor Karkat, it seemed like he was trying so hard to be tough, but he stilled seemed scared out of his wits. A loud voice then erupted from the speaker of the device, causing Karkat to flinch. Even Dave seemed a bit taken back the sound. "What the fuck," Karkat muttered, his eyes flickered to Dave's for reassurance. The blonde reached over and brushed his hands against Karkat's, shutting off the device. "Okay, that's enough of that mess."  He said, handing the flustered troll his flashlight back. "Jegus.." Karkat whispered.

-

Probably hours had gone by, but, finally, John was able to leave the two 'investigators'. The had wrapped up their exploration, now opting to spend the night in the ramshackle hospital. But John got to stay in a rather luxurious inn. He couldn't help but find it odd, how others enjoyed watching his friends stumble around. But, y'know whatever floats their boats. And Karkat and Dave seem to enjoyed it to some extent, at least. He still found it tiresome, how they bickered and gripped. But, this show at least made them depend on each other for a bit. 


	2. The Demonic Goatman's Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave and Karkat head over to a bridge with some pretty haunting tales in its lore. What will happen on their voyage? What will happen when they reach their destination?
> 
> Based off this B:US episode, https://youtu.be/XEZfGlyLQnA  
> And this Act, https://www.homestuck.com/story/4718

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, let's pretend this wasn't dormant for two months, please. Because I'm back! And I'm back with triple the amount of chapter one! Please enjoy!

Late. Karkat Vantas was late. Not like Dave had expected anything else, Karkat always had the weirdest sleep schedule, one Dave would never figure out. So here Dave stood, John by his side, each of them taking stationery glances towards their watches. Until he heard the iconic voice of Karkat, cursing up a storm, thundering down the airport stairwell. A smile crept up on Dave’s face, and he gave out a laugh. "Overslept, I'm guessing?" Dave asked, Karkat slowed to a stop, panting heavily. "The, opposite actually," He said in between breaths. "I lost track of time, didn't sleep at all." This brought a groan from John. "Karkat, how do you manage these things, man?" Dave commented, walking towards the threes’ gate, opening up his phone as he sat in the boarding area. It was only a three minute -ironic- session of Candy Crush before it was time to board, and as luck would have it. Dave got to sit next to his favorite person. Karkat. He couldn’t help but feel John did this on purpose. "Wait, why do you get the window seat?" Dave questioned as he put his baggage away. "Because, Strider." Is all he gets in response. Yup. That's kinda what he expected. Dave accepted his fate, plopping himself next to his 'friend' unwillingly. Well. Okay. He did appreciate Karkats companionship, honestly, he did. The troll was a hoot to be around. His sarcasm was golden in Dave’s eyes. But he had no real clue if Karkat considered them to be friends. And that was a bit of an issue. Dave guessed they had never really talked about it. Maybe they should do that. But then again, when and where would that conversation even go? Probably nowhere. A chime from above made Dave aware of the fact that the plane had taken off. Oh, huh. All that thinking allowed Dave to skip the agony of waiting to be on his device while the plane went airborne. Props to you, train of thought. Dave pulled out his phone, ready to crush them candies. For irony, of course. And as his thumbs got lost in an endless sweeping motion, his mind got lost in thought. Why would Karkat even agree to do all this, if they weren't friends? ...Money maybe? Dave hoped not. Truth be told, he actually kind of enjoyed Kark- "What are you doing? Just use your power up." Someone hissed beside him. Dave blinked, paused his game, removed his headphones, and looked towards his friend Karkat. "What?" Is all Dave could reply. Karkat huffed in irritation, but repeated himself regardless "Just use the hammer. You’re on your last move, and the cherry is one ‘candy’ away.” Looking towards his screen, he saw that Karkat was correct. “Oh, uh, thanks.” Dave said, taking his advice. How long had Karkat been watching him? Did Karkat always watch him? Woah, okay, you’re treading on some weird grounds, Strider, Dave’s mind cut in abruptly. He was thinking way too much, god, when would this flight end? Never, most likely. He was gonna be stuck in this seat for an eternity, just swiping away until his fingers were unidentifiable nubs, he’d be suffering for forever, with Karkat hissing snarky remarks beside him perpetually. “Excuse me, sirs?” Dave turned to face the stranger sitting next to him, and a flight attendant. “Can I get you anything to drink?” And, of course, Mr. Cool Kid ordered himself a good ‘ol glass of AJ. Then, the flight attendant trotted off, and Karkat didn’t ask for his usual black coffee. Oh, it’s because he was asleep with his head on Dave’s shoulder. WAIT, WHAT. Cue internal panic. A lot of it. What does one do in this situation? Wake him up? He didn’t want to do that, he looked oddly cute peaceful when he slept, and if anyone needed sleep, it was Karkat. A movement pulled Dave from his mini-anxiety attack. A Karkat begin to nuzzle his head into Dave’s collarbone, and took hold of his left arm, letting loose a tired little groan in the process. Suddenly Dave felt his heart race, and his cheeks were reddening. Blushing. Dave Strider was blushing at the hands of Karkat Vantas. Not good. Using his free arm, Dave attempted to distract himself, but every time he felt his heart beat regulate, Karkat’s hair would brush against his neck, or his tail would curl around his leg. And just when it felt as if the flight may never end, and Dave was in some sort of plane purgatory, the intercom came on and explained they were going to land in 15 minutes. Dave ripped his arm from Karkat’s grasp, and gently eased him to the opposite side. In response, Karkat’s eyes shot open and he shot up, looking around. His eyes met Dave’s. “Plane’s gonna land soon.” Is all the blonde could manage to say, before tearing his gaze away.  
-  
“Hey, It’s the bridge,” Dave exclaimed matter-of-factly, his flashlight directing towards the ancient structure. “Yeah. I can see that.” Karkat grumbled in response, inspecting his surroundings, before standing next to Dave at the base of the bridge. “You go first.” Insisted Karkat. Dave flashed him a questioning look, but complied, taking an anti-climatic step onto the platform. Dave looked back to see a hesitant Karkat. “Dear jegus, c’mon.” He said, heaving his co-host onto the bridge with him. “See? That wasn’t so hard.” Karkat reply was to stick out his tongue at Dave, and continuing walking forwards. “Ugh, too many things have happened to people around here-” Karkat was cut off by Dave slamming his foot into the bridge, “It’s pretty sturdy.” He remarked. Karkat rolled his eyes, “So, uh, now that we’re here, I guess I should tell you why this bridge is the way that it is.” The troll said, his voice hesitant. “Tell me.” Was all Dave responded, trying to force down a laugh. Karkat huffed, “Can you even look just a little bit worried, or do you have to,” Karkat paused, thinking for a moment. “Nevermind, don’t do that.” He concluded, before walking further down the bridge, away from Dave. Odd, was what Dave concluded about Karkat.  
-  
“You know what, Karkat? I’m not trying to scare you but I got a bad feeling about this one.” Declared Dave, glancing towards the troll to see his reaction. “Shut up.” Karkat spat from his place of digging in the trunk of his car. “I do!” Dave protested, though not even John really believed him. “It’s okay, I came prepared.” Assured Karkat, rather boldly. Dave paused, then asked, “What are you prepared with?” Karkats face then contorted into one that was trying to refrain from cackling, “Oh, you’ll see, man.” Dave’s eyes flickered down for a moment, then shot straight back up to Karkat’s face. “Dude, why are you unbuckling your pants?” He asked, almost nervous. “Don’t worry about it.” Karkat snipped back.  
“We’re in public right now- what’re you doing?!”  
“Shut up!”  
“Oh my gog, Karkat.” Dave brought his hands to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’ve out dumbed yourself.” He proclaimed. Karkat studied himself, looking at the water gun that sat in his newly placed holster. “Y’know I thought this would be funny, but now I’m actually glad I have it. There’s holy water inside here-” Karkat patted his plastic weapon. “Yeah, I figured it was holy water.” Dave interrupted, shaking his head a bit, the troll beside him then perked up. “I could be all, ‘Hey Dave, look over at those bushes’, and when a demon starts sneaking up on me,” Karkat grabbed the (water)gun from his holster and whipped around to where it was aimed at Dave. “I’d be all like, don’t try it demon!” Dave chuckled, “Ooo, that’s pretty spooky.” He commented. “Yeah, right?” Karkat said happily.  
-  
“Any demons here. Got any demons out tonight?” Dave questioned flat out, positive he wouldn’t get an answer. “Any horny boys, or whatever they-” He continued, but Karkat cut in. “Woah, wait, ‘horny boys’?” Dave shrugged, “They got horns, don’t they?” A moment a silence went by before Dave stomped his foot and yelled; “Goatman!” He glanced over at Karkat with a smile, “You feel that? You feel the goatman energy? Any goat vibes?” He asked. Karkat shook his head in disapproval. “You may not like this, but, I’m going to try and agitate it,” Dave explained. Karkat snorted, then said, “Hey man, you do what you gotta do, and I’ll do what I gotta do.” The troll crossed his arms across his chest. Dave nodded, then said, “I’m just gonna be as crude as possible here.” A moment of stillness etched on, and the two(three, kinda) waited for an action to take place. “Fuck you, goatman!” Dave broke the quiet with a yell. “Holy shit!” Shouted Karkat, recoiling in shock. “Was that good?” Dave asked, still yelling. “I thought you were gonna build your way up!” Karkat replied, facepalming. “No, no, no, just right out of the gate. Why build up?” The human replied plainly. Karkat took a few small steps back, then glared, “If you don’t believe then there’s nothing for you to be afraid of, right? You can be as big a prick as you want! But, I’m standing over here.” Suddenly, and confusingly, Dave then started busting a move right then and there, John was just about to call the local asylum when Dave proclaimed; “Goatman! I’m dancin’ on your bridge!” Karkat lost it there and began cracking up into hysterics. “You want me off this bridge, you’re gonna have to kill me!” Dave’s taunts continued. “Jegus fuck,” Karkat squeaked out, still laughing all the while. “You’re gonna have to throw me off yourself!” The Dancing King™ grinned wildly. “He has thrown people off the bridge before, Dave!” Exclaimed Karkat, now a bit paranoid. Dave seemed to ignore this fact. “Look at the way I dance on it, I disrespect your bridge, Goatman.” He stated. “He’s takin’ names right now,” Karkat warned. “You hear that Goatman? Me and Karkat Vantas own your bridge!” Dave professed proudly, that caught Karkat attention. “I don’t- N ope! Don’t loop me into your shit!” He interjected, Dave made sounds of protest. “I hate when you do this-” Dave cut in “Then tell him! Tell him you’re not a part of this!” He suggested. “I’m not apart of his little charade!” Karkat blurted, pointing an accusatory claw towards the dude who decided it was cool to wear shades at night. “Well, now you’re talking to Goatman.”  
“I see what you did there-”  
“It was Goatman entrapment,”  
“Goatman?” Dave called innocently, peeking over the side of the bridge. “I’m not with him!” Karkat stated frantically. “They’re gonna put my name in graffiti from now on!” Dave boasted. This sentence brought a quick mutter of profanities from Karkat. John held back a sigh, he was going to be stuck in the woods with his crazy, loud, friends the entire night, wasn’t he?  
-  
“Jegus Christ, dude,” Karkat stated, flashing his light nervously all about. “When’s the last time you walked into a dark wood?” Dave inquired curiously. “Never.” Karkat hissed, narrowing his eyes at a crawling beetle. “Really, like no camping or anything?” Dave said, almost shocked, he got a nod from Karkat, then a shudder. “Gog this is so much scarier than hunting a fuckin’ Sasquatch.” The troll stammered. There was a pit in the conversation as they kept on walking, before Karkat broke it. “Is there anybody out here?” He called out into the wilderness. “Any cultists? Anyone up to no good out here?” Dave added on. They got no response.  
“What if we just make it seem like we’re in on it?” Dave suggested with a whisper-shout. “What do you mean?” Karkat said suspiciously, raising a brow at his co-host. Dave didn’t answer him, and instead took to shouting out, “We’re here for the cult stuff!” Karkat stifled a laugh, “Oh, I see what you’re doing.” Dave nodded happily, then continued. “We saw the ad on Craigslist!” John couldn’t help but break into laughter at that, probably something they’d have to edit out. A rustle then came from the bushes behind them. “Jegus fuck!” Karkat squeaked, stepping back. “Hey, if there’s any cultist out there, my pal has a water gun.” Dave quirked sarcastically. “It’s holy water!” Declared Karkat, semi-bravely.  
-  
Back on the bridge, Karkat and Dave sat around a circle of candles, an ouija board placed between them. Dave looked on suspiciously as Karkat laid a ring of salt down to ‘protect’ them. Putting their hands on the planchet, Dave felt a pang of sympathy as he saw Karkat’s hands quiver. Damn, they should get this shit over with, or, or, Dave could make this fun. “So is there some sort of technique?” Questioned the human. “I mean, no, just put your damn fingers on the thing.” The two stated their names, asked a question, then waited. For a second, nothing happened, then, the piece moved towards ‘S’. Dave quickly broke his contact with the board and pulled out a piece of paper. “Dave! What the fuck are you doing?!” Karkat snapped, breaking his hands from the planchet as well.  
“Writing down whatever the fuck this so-called paranormal fuck is saying.”  
“You aren’t supposed to break your contact with the board!”  
“How the fuck was I supposed to know that shit?”  
“Oh my fuck,” Groaned Karkat, “Dave, what are you even writing? Stop that! Give me the pen!” The troll reached for Dave’s hand, attempting to pull the pen from his grasp, but he refused to budge. After a few sporadic swears from Karkat, Dave was able to move both their hands around the paper, which was now covered with scribbles. Dave held back a snort before saying, “Karkat whoa man, what are you doing? Why are you drawing all these human dicks?” He let out a snicker, then continued. “How do you even know what they look like? What have you been watching?” Karkat let out an offended screech, “I am not drawing those! You’re making me draw them! Stop that!” He protested, then struggled to gain control of the pen. “No way, this book is like, our fight fueled ouija board of cock,” Dave explained, hiding a smile. “ARGH... Stop! “ Karkat gripped the pen tighter, and pulled back, to no avail. “DON'T-, No Fuck-, Ok no, You drew that one! YOU DREW THAT ONE!!!! DON'T PRETEND YOU DIDN'T!” Karkats’ ouija opponent persisted on his rampage, seemingly enjoying this. “Are you sure man? That's the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks, was it you or me or maybe a ghoooost???”  
“FUUUUUUUCK LET GO OF ME! “ Demanded Karkat, shaking with some sort of rage. “Gimme the pen.” Dave insisted relentlessly.  
“No!”  
“Yes”  
“No!”  
“Yes.”  
“FINE TAKE IT!”  
“No!”  
“WHAT??” Karkat shrieked, trying to release the pen, but Dave clasped his hand on top of his. “We’re still drawing!” The human proclaimed, managing to draw another dick. “LET GO” Hollered Karkat, failing at freeing his claw once more. “Are you kidding? This is a fucking masterpiece we have to see this through.” Dave beamed, almost like his was proud of this. “I'M TRYING TO LET GO OF THE STUPID PEN BUT YOU WON'T LET ME!” Karkat was fuming, and ready to fight, Dave didn’t seem to care. “We are in the shit now, we are motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch.” He said, in the process of sculpting even more penises. “YOU CRAZY FUCK!” The troll snarled, his face most likely turning red. “We're running out of room, John can you get a new page for us?” Dave asked innocently, as though this was some normal thing everyone experienced. John didn’t get to answer, though. Because he could even open his mouth, Karkat screamed, placing his free claw on Dave’s forehead, trying to push him away. “THIS ALTERCATION IS BECOMING UNCOMFORTABLY PHYSICAL, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.” He commanded. Dave stifled a laugh, “What the fuck are you talking about?” He questioned. Karkat scoffed, “YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” He hissed, slapping Dave’s head in an effort to distract him. Dave smiled, “Shut up and draw another penis.” He grinned. Karkat inhaled sharply, a sure sign he was about to start another rant, “YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF ALL THIS HOSTILE TOUCHING AND GRABBING DO YOU? I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU STRIDER, JUST STEP OFF.” Dave shrugged, “Man if you want to look at this that way then that's your business, but this is just an old-fashioned beatdown where I'm from, deal with it.” He said with a tiny grin. “WHY DON'T YOU OLD FASHIONED GO FUCK YOURSELF?” Screeched Karkat, trying to slap the human even harder. Dave raised a brow as Karkat began to...bite his cape? What fucking even? “Dude, stop biting my cape,” Dave said, a bit confused. “FUFCK NYOUF!” Retorted Karkat, the pen now lifted from the page, this whole fucking thing made no sense. It made even less sense when Karkat let out a furious battle cry, and tackled Dave to the bridges’ floorboards. “Shit!” Dave cried out as he fell to the ground. John peered over at them with confusion and disappointment. Dave stood up, and glanced behind him, stopping and letting out a laugh. “Are you serious?” Dave said through chuckles. “Dude unreal, you are like a cape magnet.” Dave leaned forward, trying to find the end of his cape. Karkat’s curses were muffled by the cloth. “C’mon hold still.” He sniggered, untangling the troll from his pjs. “Whelp. You know what? Since Goatman didn’t have the balls to show up,” Dave began when Karkat was finally freed from his cotton prison. “This is our bridge now.” Rolling his eyes Karkat began to exit, “Well, demons. It’s been fun, but sayonara,” The troll said with a shrug. “And as we snuff these candles so too do we snuff you from this mortal world,” Dave added, picking up the candle closest to him and blowing it out, “You fuckin’ wimps.” Karkat recoiled at that, “Jegus Christ, Dave.”

**Author's Note:**

> Whoo! Okay. Sorry, this is a bit short. It's just a little introduction to what we're dealing with here. Thank you ever so much for reading! It means a lot to me! I do plan on making more, because, let's face it, there's an endless amount content I can use for this darn thing!


End file.
